It Is Whatever

It would seem that many pop stars can very easily forget what it was like when they were very grateful for their fans attending their gigs and now are just taking them for granted so I have compiled a top ten list of concert etiquette for these ingrates to check every so often.

1. When booking a tour, ensure that the performance will be of a good sound quality. Make sure:
   • There are enough speakers with powerful enough amps.
   • These speakers are pointed at the heads of the audience.
2. Having ensured that the audience can hear you, now do the other side of things and ensure the audience can see you. Put up enough screens so that the people you have charged £75 can see what is going on. (When you sell DVDs you don’t make sure that the image only fills 5% of the TV screen.)
3. Try and book the concert to match the demand for the tickets. If you notice that the concert sells out in under 2 days (and that includes when it sells out in 20 minutes) then put on another show.
4. Continue to do number 3 until until the demand has dried up. This will do three things:
   • Stop tickets being sold on eBay for 10 times their face value.
   • Make you more money.
   • Increase your fan base (providing you have fulfilled points 1 and 2).
5. Try to remember what it was like when you were starting out and were doing anything to make ends meet e.g. working as a waitress, placard-holder or rent-boy. In other words try to make money but don’t be vulgar by charging obscene amounts. Have a chat with a rent-person and ask them what they think is enough money for them to get by on for a week to gauge how much you should charge. What you then charge will be a truer reflection on yourself. (Right now you are just being deemed as willing to put out charity records as long as it boosts you career but when it comes to looking after your fans you are screwing them for every penny.)
6. If you do book a gig, play it! Don’t cancel it the week before just because you messed up on point 3 by booking too big a venue on a Monday night in a country you haven’t played in 14 years. (Prince take note!) Similarly don’t get so messed up that you can’t get out of the room where all your drugs are. (Amy and Pete take note – but then again you’re hardly mega rich are you?)
7. If you do mega deals with Live Nation (or whoever are putting on your concerts) then ensure they carry out points 1 and 2. But remember! The buck stops with you, so you cannot offload any blame.
8. If you have messed up on points 1 and 2 then never, ever, ever let your promoters gloat like this. Remember point 7: The buck stops with you and therefore any gloating will look very, very bad on your part.
9. If you love it do it! Prince got it so right by playing 21 nights in London and then playing afterpartys where he could let his hair down and play what he wanted. In fact Prince has it so right in very many ways. He doesn’t charge too much and is a proper showman. His screens mostly just show him as he is such a good, singer, guitarist, pianist, dancer, bassist, drummer, etc. His main problem, as he rightly states, is that he has too many hits.
10. If you do make a mess of things then promptly apologise. It’s only manners you know. You greedy shit.

These tips were inspired mostly by the comments of this thread.